I promised it, I brought it to you. Fire Spider: Inner Instincts is finally here!
(WARNING: THIS INCLUDES A LOT OF VIOLENCE. LIKE, A LOT. NOT ENOUGH TO BE CALLED CREEPYPASTA, BUT STILL VIOLENT. IF YOU'RE HEARTSICK OR ARE EASILY DISCOMFORTED WITH VIOLENCE, GO TO ANOTHER PAGE.)
(WARNING: THIS INCLUDES A LOT OF INAPPROPIATE LANGUAGE. IF YOU DISLIKE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE, GO TO ANOTHER PAGE.)
I was swinging around Penguin City, seeing if there was a criminal stupid enough to commit any crime on such a day like this. However, all the gangs I managed to sneak up on were only talking about Bradyd5's latest crime. Turns out, he somehow snuck up on Asgard and raped every single Asgardian girl he found. After hours of hearing (and being sick of) it, I decided to go undercover on the streets to see if there were any rumors going around. After a few rumors (including one with a girl who just lost a finger, an assault rifle, a knife and a fan club), I heard something that caught my attention.
Fire Spider: Excuse me for interrupting. Do you have a problem?
Civilian 1: No, Fire Spider, not at all. Hey, have you heard about it?
Fire Spider: About what?
Civilian 2: Apparently one of the SHA members is using their connections to help one of your enemies make use of the SHA/Nickel Crew Alliance.
Fire Spider: Seriously?
Civilian 1: Well, it's just a rumor, although several people have already come up with evidence to prove. I also have a picture.
Fire Spider: Show me, please.
The civilian took out his phone and showed me a pic. It showed Pen4you, Perry Jolie and Hammer8765 mocking Nickel500, who was being restrained from hitting them by someone in a red costume, although this last part was blurry. Although it was familiar, I needed to make sure, so I hacked into the civilian's phone (with his permission) and transferred the picture from his phone to mine. Although just downloading it could've been faster, the picture would've remained in his phone, which would've eventually turned him into a HVT (High Value Target), and his life could've been ruined or jeopardized. Anyway, after completing the transfer, I swung away while I used my phone's forensic analysis app to analyze the photo and determine who's that in the blur. As I landed in a skyscraper's rooftop, I finally saw with my own eyes who the traitor was...
Fire Spider: Red Tornado?!
It made no sense. Red Tornado, AKA Batman903, is one of Nickel's greatest allies AND a SHA member. I decided I had to talk to Red Tornado personally. I called him through the SHA Phone. Minutes later...
Red Tornado: Alright, I'm here.
Fire Spider: We need to talk about this.
I showed him the picture on the phone and he suddenly started making some weird gestures with his entire body. When he finally stopped, I noticed a change. His eyes had a weird red glow in them.
Fire Spider: Dude, stop. This is serious.
Red Tornado: Must... Destroy... Picture...
Suddenly, he used a tornado to toss the phone away from me and off the rooftop!
Fire Spider: Dude!
I backflipped, dived off the rooftop, caught the phone and shot a webline to the building before I could hit the floor.
Red Tornado: Do Not Resist. It Is Useless To Fight.
Fire Spider: Ugh, god dammit, caps at the start of every word. That's so prep-ish.
Red Tornado: I AM NOT A PREP!
He then turned himself into a giant tornado and sucked me in!
Fire Spider: Shit!
Red Tornado: Must Destroy!
Fire Spider: Fuck you!
I shot some impact webbing at Red Tornado, making him lose balance temporarily. I then weblined towards him and kicked him in the face. This made him fall to a rooftop nearby, fading the tornado away.
Fire Spider: Ha! Take that! That'll show you not to... mess... with...
I suddenly looked down and saw that there was nothing below! Well, there was the city, but still, WHAT THE FUCK WAS I STANDING ON?! As I made myself that question, I started falling!
Fire Spider: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried to shoot webs, but that Batman903 bastard had worn me out and I had none! Suddenly, a helicopter passed flying and lowered the speed when it was almost exactly below me! Seeing no other exit, I unwillingly crashed into the helicopter (without getting a scratch from any of the blades, proves how badass I am) and almost completely crushed it. The helicopter went down, with its crew and me inside, and we crashed near a weapons store. The resulting explosion made Michael Bay's movies' explosions look lame. Anyway, the entire helicopter crew died and I was roughly beaten up but still going, with 84% of my suit either torn to shreds because of Batman903 or burnt in that explosion. Suddenly, Red Tornado came in from the sky, still willing to kill me.
Red Tornado: Give Up.
Fire Spider: Never!
I ran inside the weapons store (which was damaged from only the entrance), grabbed all the weapons I could and loaded them.
Fire Spider: Fuck you, asshole!
I then shot at Red Tornado with all the weapons at the same time. Long story short, his brain, along with other body parts, exploded and the remains splattered all over my ripped suit.
Fire Spider: ...I suppose you'll have a shower. Oh, and I'll need a new suit.
Weapons Store Manager: ...
A few hours later, I was clean, geared up with a redesigned suit and ready to go. My special swords, way better than lightsabers, could cut through anything, and not any material could stop them. My gun, which looked exactly like a G18C, fired bullets that were a combination of all the projectiles I shot from all the other weapons earlier, and you already saw what those did so imagine what a smaller yet more powerful version can do. I felt invincible. But I had a target to accomplish: elimiate those involved in the Alliance Conspiracy.
How does Fire Spider's new suit look like? What's the Alliance Conspiracy really like? What will people think of Red Tornado's death? Will I eat a chimichanga? Only two of these four questions will be answered in Part 2: Phone-y Run! Why only two questions? Because the suit one can be answered if you go to the SHA Wiki and check Fire Spider's gallery! See you in Part 2!
